Tommie Wilkins' point was as direct and it was alarming: one in four college students will be involved in an abusive relationship at some point in their college career.

As director of training and education for the domestic victim support group at Laurel House, Wilkins sees the faces behind this statistic every day. That's why she joined with NBC broadcast journalist Tracy Davidson in leading a Nov. 4 lunchtime program on the issue at Temple. Sponsored by the Office of the Dean of Students, “Talking Frankly” brought together an engaged group of students, faculty and staff to discuss the realities of dating violence and domestic abuse.

“This is a very important issue that many young people have to face,” said Donna Gray, who works with victims as campus safety coordinator for special services. “They need assistance to break this cycle. I’m glad that Temple is taking a proactive approach

Early in the program, Wilkins and Davidson made it clear that abuse could impact anyone sitting in the room, regardless of sex, class, race or nationality; that the victim is not always a woman; and that abuse is not always physical. It can be verbal, emotional or financial.

“You can take this information back to your social group,” said Davidson, who wanted victims to know that it’s not their fault and that abusers are master manipulators. “Control starts to chip away at your soul and your self esteem until you think, ‘I’m nothing. He’s everything.’”

She also cautioned, “Don’t think the person who is a victim is a meek, shy person.”

Students had their own stories. “Trust your instincts,” said one student who said she had been in an abusive relationship. “When I met him I thought something was off, but then my friends told me, ‘You’re too picky’ — and I listened.”

Other students had questions for friends or relatives, “How do I help my cousin without endangering myself?”

Wilkins responded, “To help someone you don’t necessarily have to be there physically. Urge her to go to a shelter. Let her know what a shelter is like. That it’s not a bunch of people sleeping in one room. She’ll have her own room.”

For others the questions were less personal. Trang Pham (STHM ’12) wanted advice about how to handle suspected abuse she observed at her volunteer job at LIFT Philadelphia, a nonprofit that is trying to help people get out of poverty. “Sometimes I see someone with a bruise, but I don’t know how to bring the topic up.”

“Start by telling them that you don’t want to embarrass them, but you’ve observed something that concerns you,” said Wilkins. “Come from a straight and honest point of view.

Dina Stonberg, program director for event co-sponsor Temple’s Health Education Awareness Resource Team (HEART), emphasized that students can find help through a variety of Temple resources.

“We have a program called Say Something at Temple, a bystander intervention program that trains students to recognize domestic and dating abuse, teaches them how to ‘say something’ and tells them where to refer a student in need of services,” said Stonberg, adding that the Tuttleman Counseling Center has a sexual assault counseling and education program that offers individual and group counseling.

In addition to HEART, other event co-sponsors included the Division of Student Affairs, the Beasley School of Law, the College of Liberal Arts, the Student Leadership Program, Temple Owls and Laurel House.

Students can contact HEART at tuheart@temple.edu or 215-204-8436; Tuttleman Counseling Services at 215-204-7276; Donna Gray at dpgray@temple.edu, for Rape Aggression Defense classes; and Campus Police at 215-204-1234 to report dating or domestic violence.